When it comes to dating, Scorpios are often unfairly maligned as obsessive, jealous, manipulative — the list goes on. But as one myself, I can’t help but think that this characterization is a bit unfair. (Though my exes may disagree…)
Obsession is just passion! Jealousy is a sign you care! Sure, being manipulative isn’t the best look, but the secretive, deep, hyper-sexual side to Scorpios is what makes them so magnetic in spite of their more difficult traits. (Consider your favorite iconic, moody Scorpios like Frank Ocean, Winona Ryder, or Adam Driver, just to name a few.)
So, with Scorpio season approaching, it’s time for me to defend my zodiac sign. Scorpios don’t deserve the slander! In fact, many astrologers say we’re actually amazing partners.
Major Feelings, Majorly Hot
The truth is, all the intensity this sign exudes is just because they want to form a deep connection with their partner, according to astrologer Bella Popa. “Romantic relationships are very important to Scorpio. They’re not looking for surface-level connections. To them, relationships are an opportunity for their souls to merge with another soul and for them to transform,” she says. (We love keeping it casual! JK!)
Scorpios are water signs, which means they feel things “incredibly deeply,” Popa says. So when it comes to dating, their passion is best matched with fellow water signs, Pisces and Cancer, or balanced out by level-headed Taurus, who’s opposite them on the zodiac wheel. (All of my longest relationships are suddenly… making sense.)
“Once you date a Scorpio, you’ll be completely transformed,” Popa says.
“Because they feel so deeply, they have a tendency to become very fixated on a person,” Popa says. This is where all of that obsessive energy comes from, she says, and it can certainly lead Scorpios into, well, questionable territory, making their personalities simply too all-consuming for some to date.
“I’ve had partners who ended things because they said dating me was too intense,” says Elise, 23, who lives in Boston. For example, she once fell for a boy during her very first week of college. They clicked instantly and quickly became an item, but only lasted a month. He broke up with her, explaining that he needed to “work on himself.”
“I was like, ‘No, he just doesn’t understand how much I care about him!” Elise says. Her solution? Waiting outside of his dorm until he left so that she could force him to realize what he was missing out on.
“Looking back, I simply wasn’t accepting that he didn’t like me. I thought I was showing him how much I care, but it was a crazy move — though if the roles were reversed, it probably would’ve worked on me,” Elise says, laughing.
Don’t Hate The Green-Eyed Monster
This Scorpio obsession, however, while overwhelming, is fueled by a willingness to worship, adore, and dedicate their lives to the person they love, Popa explains. This means that, at times, Scorpio’s jealousy will come into play. (But really, who hasn’t been a little territorial every now and then? Just me?)
“I’ll be honest and say that I get jealous in relationships,” says Ben, 26, who lives in Brooklyn. That was recently exemplified when his girlfriend’s uncle tried setting her up on a blind date with a hot personal trainer.( The uncle did this in spite of knowing his niece was taken — that’s how much he disapproves of Ben.)
“She showed up to a restaurant thinking she was meeting her uncle for dinner, and instead a huge, muscled guy was sitting there waiting for her,” Ben explains. To his girlfriend, who wasn’t remotely interested, it was a hilarious, wild story she couldn’t wait to recount to friends. “When she told me, I was forcing laughter. In reality, the first emotion I felt was uncontrollable rage. Like, smoke coming out of my ears, blood in my eyes, rage,” Ben says.
To this day he still can’t look at her uncle the same way. Scorpios will hold a grudge, Popa notes, and they don’t like to share.
The Rumors Are True, They’re Good In Bed
And ICYDK, Scorpios are ruled by Mars, the planet of action, ambition, passion, and sex. “Scorpios are one of the most sexual, sexy, and alluring signs,” Popa explains. (Thank you.) “To them, sex can be a healing and transformative experience. It’s not just a physical thing to them.”
Take, for example, Regan, 32, who lives in San Diego and says that sex is is a non-negotiable for her. Not only does she look for partners who can “throw her around” in the bedroom, but she loves indulging in “sexual clichés, like when a partner took me to their office and cleaned off their desk, then had me over it.”
Like many Scorpios, Regan is also known among her social circle for her sexual spontaneity, like when she once asked a man if he “wanted a little sloppy toppy behind the bar top, and he said yes, so we went for it.” Her friends like to tell the story of when she yelled across a bar to a guy she was interested in taking home: “Stop making out with her and start making out with me!” Spoiler alert? She was successful. He ended up spending the night.
Just Don’t Ask A Scorpio To Open Up
Regan, Ben, and Elise (and me!) all promise that they’re not manipulative. But secretive, keeping their cards close to their chest? Yeah, that checks out. Scorpios are a fixed water sign, represented by ice. Popa says that like an iceberg, a Scorpio has depth.
“What’s going on below their surface is so much deeper than you could possibly imagine, and that takes time to uncover,” she says. So being with a Scorpio requires patience and a willingness to learn about them over time. Odds are, at first, we’ll be more interested in learning about you than we are in revealing information about themselves.
“People often describe me as mysterious and secretive,” says Caroline, 22, who lives in Chicago. “I’m just not a big yapper. And when I’m first getting to know someone, I only disclose what’s necessary,” she says.
This withholding was a pain point at the beginning of her current relationship, when meeting her partner on Tinder in 2020. When they asked where she lived, Caroline didn’t reveal her specific neighborhood. “They were trying to get to know me, but I wasn’t having it, I was questioning their motives. At the very least, she was worried they’d cast judgement on the suburb she was from. Worst case, she didn’t want to give information about where she lived to a virtual stranger. “They found [it] very odd and initially off-putting,” she says.
The same goes for Regan, who likes to make up stories on dates about her profession and hobbies until the other person proves to be honest. She likes to get a feel for a person’s character before she reveals literally anything about her own life — even in low-stakes situations.
“I once told a guy I had a boat even though I didn’t, and once we walked the docks and he found out I was lying, he dropped me,” Regan says, which she totally understands in hindsight. “The same goes for a guy I told I liked hiking, but then when he invited me on a hike, I had to say I didn’t actually want to go.” So she never saw him again, either. Understandably, this sign’s hard-to-pin-down nature can be frustrating — but it’s also what makes us so darn intriguing.
In the end, however, because of the intensity, care, and value with which Scorpios treat their partners, they’re more than worth a chance. “Once you date a Scorpio, you’ll be completely transformed,” Popa says. “It’s the kind of relationship that stays with you for life.” Trust.
Source:
Bella Popa, astrologer
