Red One Review — A Cinematic Rock Hard Lump of Coal

Red One arrives with a lot of bad press. Every movie Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson makes with the word “red” in them has been tracked for being a bloated mess. The superstar made Red Notice in 2021 with Ryan Reynolds and Gal Gadot, which was a lot more fun than many give it credit for. For all its faults, that film eventually found a sweet spot for genre audiences to enjoy.

Now, Johnson is back with Red One, which is so relentlessly lackluster and uninspired that I wondered if it was a cruel holiday prank meant to ruin our Christmas spirit. Red One is like his family film Tooth Fairy on steroids and off its Ritalin. The film has the same endless “knock the one-liners” out-of-the-park energy as the film has a laugh track.

Red One Review and Synopsis

It’s a tale as old as time. You know the kind—the one where Santa Claus’s head of security, Callum Drift (Johnson), tells Saint Nick that he plans to retire after one last holiday run. The joy of helping secure gifts for the world’s best children has faded. Which is mainly due to the growth of the “naughty list,” which has overwhelmed the spirit of the job he once loved.

However, things are about to get much worse. On the eve of the greatest holiday the world has ever known, a team breaks through North Pole security to kidnap the big “SC.” Drift notifies Zoe Harlow (Lucy Liu) of the Mythological Oversight and Restoration Authority. During their investigation, they identified a suspect named Jack O’Malley (Chris Evans), a mercenary hacker who managed to locate the North Pole.

Red One Lacks Holiday Joy

I mean, it’s in the name, so he can’t be that brilliant, but I digress. Now, with the tables—or perhaps the wrapping station—turned, O’Malley is forced to help Drift find Saint Nick, claiming he can locate anything in the world. With his help and Drift’s last stand before retirement, the world’s holiday spirit’s fate hangs in the balance.

Yes, as Simmons recently said on The Rich Eisen Show, this is the ultimate thirteen-year-old boy movie. However, the film lacks original holiday joy; writer Chris Morgan (Shazam! Fury of the Gods) and director Jake Kasdan (Zero Effect) seem to forget that this demographic knows a pile of coal when they see one.

No matter how much you dress it up, it’s still coal stuffed in a giant sock you use once a year and serves no other purpose. Or, in other words, still Hobbs & Shaw, but now dressed up as holiday fare.

Is Red One Worth Watching?

Red One is quite the metaphor for the film industry, with the subtext of being dissolution with the “naughty” people of the world. It is as if they tell the viewers they should be grateful for such holiday fare—a take-it-or-leave-it attitude as if the audience has no choice. The film is lazy, lacks inspiration, and is blatantly manipulative by the end, and you’d think it was a Hallmark movie.

You would hope an intention of mashing up The Fast and the Furious meets any holiday movie where someone tries to save Christmas would be a lot more fun. However, the special effects are overdone. The comedy is regurgitated and forced. The film has no idea how to marry the talents with its big budget, which is shocking for a director like Kasdan to have so much success with the rebooted Jumanji franchise.

That is too bad because Red One could have been some mindless (but ultimately useless) holiday fun, but instead, it ruins our holiday spirit.

You can watch Red One only in theaters on November 15th.

Red One Review — The Rock Delivers a Lump of Coal

The Rock is back with Red One, a film so relentlessly lackluster and uninspired that I wondered if it was a cruel holiday prank meant to ruin our Christmas spirit. What should have been a fun mashup of The Fast and the Furious and any holiday movie aimed at saving Christmas instead plays like Johnson’s family film Tooth Fairy on steroids and off its Ritalin.