From the sublime to the ridiculous.
Depending on where your Google search lands, the age-old adage is most often attributed to either French diplomat Tallyrand, Napoleon, or historian Jean Francois Marmontel – the latter of whom would have uttered the words in the mid-18th century.
Fast-forward 300 years, and the sentiment still applies to the post-results Q&A section of the annual Celtic AGM.
From rambling comedic monologues to scathing personal swipes at members of the top table’s family, tongue-in-cheek references to Francis Ford Coppola’s 1972 gangster epic The Godfather, and genuinely heartfelt complaints about the perceivable ills of pyrotechnics in stadiums – and how the mounting UEFA fines the Parkhead club receive every season could help feed people in need at this time of year – there’s an enduring, simultaneously tragic and pantomime-like element to every one of these occasions.
Of course, the tone sits a lot more comfortably when the team are performing on the pitch.
An unbeaten start to the Scottish Premiership, combined with a place in this season’s Premier Sports Cup final, seven points from four games in the UEFA Champions League and now within touching distance of a place in the new-look competition’s play-off round, and things could certainly be worse for manager Brendan Rodgers and his players.
That tone sits more comfortably still when things are so rosy off it. With £77.2 million in the bank, a group revenue increase from £119.9m to £124.6m, and pre-tax profit of £17.8 year-on-year (it’s worth noting these numbers don’t include this summer’s transfer activity or the club’s 2024/25 UEFA Champions League earnings), Celtic are clearly in the green in more ways the one.
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Much of the opening stretch of the Celtic AGM spoke to the above. Video montages of the men’s and women’s teams scoring goals and lifting trophies were played on screens dotted around a function suite at Celtic Park, punctuated by talking head segments of Rodgers and women’s manager Elena Sadiku illustrating their achievements.
Chairman Peter Lawwell did his own piece to camera speaking on off-pitch matters, with chief executive Michael Nicholson flanked by chief financial officer Chris Mackay doing much of the same.
Majority shareholder Dermot Desmond was absent on the day – the Irish entrepreneur’s son Ross sat at the table in his stead – as nine boiler-plate resolutions were passed, ranging from the details within the club’s annual report, to the reappointment of Nicholson, non-executive board members Tom Allison and Brian Wilson, and, as you’d expect, Desmond himself.
When the meeting was thrown to the crowd for its final hour, things kicked off in earnest.
The diversity of the board was first questioned, with Lawwell acknowledging the importance of providing a range of perspectives across race, age and gender among the club’s figureheads in future considerations.
A seven-minute question-come-impassioned soliloquy was next delivered by an older gentleman who fired wistful pot shots at the introduction of VAR in Scottish football, while, for some reason, likening Nicholson to Michael Corleone, Rodgers as the “hitman”, and former Lisbon Lion and current kit controller John Clarke as “the kit man”.
A serious message punctured the room’s levity when a disabled supporter called for universal transparency at the club – framing his point around experienced issues with Celtic’s Park’s accessible seating, but ultimately extending his sentiments to the wider year-to-year operation of the business.
A shareholder’s suggestion that singer Rod Stewart should be more visible in the money he invests in Celtic followed, before two successive fans called for the stadium’s south stand to be redeveloped to increase capacity.
One in turn called for the reduction of ticket prices amid the ongoing cost of living crisis; the other suggested one million Celtic fans could crowdfund £100 per head to pay for the required renovations.
Nicholson expressed his sympathies and called for “humanitarian aid” following events in Gaza when asked about a fan group who desired to formally meet with the club’s hierarchy, before another shareholder took aim at Mark Lawwell, Peter’s son, suggesting, not in so many words, that the former head of first team scouting and recruitment’s tenure at Celtic was unsuccessful.
Peter Lawwell, expectedly, took issue with the poser, saying: “I am not going to give this question any credibility by answering it.”
Rodgers, however, did, saying: “Mark did a fantastic job at Celtic. Look at Mark’s influence in bringing Ange Postecoglou to the club was huge.
“If that was his only contribution to here, then he’d have done a fantastic job. But it wasn’t – he was an influence in bringing in Ali Johnston and other players.
“I sit here in his defence, because he’s a massive Celtic supporter. Like Peter, he comes from a massive Celtic family who want nothing but the best for the club.”
The ‘Celtic End’ was thereafter discussed – the North Curve’s proposed safe-standing expansion that would serve to relocate existing season tickets situated in the stadium’s Jock Stein stand. Nicholson duly acknowledged the “demand”, but is still going through the survey results from this summer’s questionnaire, within which the fan-led initiative was indirectly addressed.
The subject of the Norve Curve – the collective under which ultras groups The Green Brigade and The Bhoys sit – extended to fines for poor supporter behaviour.
Nicholson added: “[Poor behaviour] is a long-standing issue. But [it’s] not just a Celtic issue. It’s not a perfect system.”
Which is likely a fair summation of occasions like the annual Celtic AGM as a whole.
Yes, the numbers look great. Yes, the montages illustrate a club in rude health. Yes, shareholders have their chance to put questions to the powers that be, be them serious or in jest.
But it’s far from a perfect system. One which too often sways from the sublime to the ridiculous.
