BACK TO BASICS
Talk about show and tell, doing your opposing manager’s team talk for him. On Saturday, while Ange Postecoglou prepared Tottenham for their tea-time kick-off, the Etihad was staging a celebration of Rodri’s Ballon d’Or, Ballon d’Or, Ballon d’Or that WWE would have been proud of. Only the great man’s knee-knack prevented him doing the full Vince McMahon power strut down the red carpet. There it was in huge gold letters, the answer to Tottenham’s prayers, the name of the man that City are lacking, and will continue to lack, Rodri. Spurs duly won 4-0. A one-man team? Let’s not get silly now. Mateo Kovacic, holder of four Big Cup winners’ medals, was also missing. An old team? Perhaps we’re getting closer since in the five-game losing run that has Pep Guardiola rubbing his cranium like he’s polishing an unearthed Roman coin, there has been much creaking. Worse, a lot of pointing. A true giveaway sign of the ageing pro is asking others to do as I say, not what I do as my legs can’t get me there.
If Kyle Walker being shown a clean pair of heels by Timo Werner was the meme, there were plenty more moments of dither and delay that just a month ago were unthinkable. A clear-out required? That’s what a few City fans are calling for, though some of the young ‘uns haven’t been spared: Rico Lewis, Josko Gvardiol and Savinho came under fire, too. So then, Pep, what’s the solution here? To use the phrasing of former City utility man, Fabian Delph, time to go back to the “basics of football”. Remember when, in the first of those many documentaries City pump out, Delph advised his teammates on “winning our individual battles, sticking together as a unit, [eff]ing defenders defending, midfielders box-to-box, [eff] keepers making saves”?
Remember how Pep shooed Delph away? Not so smart now, Catalan genius, the man who said: “I don’t train the tackles, what are tackles?” Perhaps it is the time for Guardiola, someone who publicly embraces English football traditions as his own, to go back to such basics. Time-honoured thinking, even among the managerial greats, your Fergies, your Paisleys, your Allardyces, your Pulises, was to get the defence sorted, lock down midfield and hope the striker scores one off his backside to arrest the slide. Work the channels, back and face, clear the danger. When in doubt, knock it out. Perhaps Delph, these days retired but very possibly available, might offer the likes of Ilkay Gündogan, Bernardo Silva and Kevin De Bruyne some handy hints on the midfielder’s art.
Though as a team with no midfield, as highlighted by that Hollywood display of he who can’t play, why not get it launched to the big man, replace Juanma Lillo with Big Joe Royle, and call Niall Quinn in to give Erling Haaland some tips on flick-ons and holding the ball up down those channels? Micah Richards in to drill the defence? Let’s not get silly now.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Michael Butler at 8pm GMT for red-hot minute-by-minute updates on Newcastle 2-0 West Ham in the Premier League.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
Well, we are almost in December and I haven’t received any offers yet to stay in the club. I’m probably more out than in” – Mohamed Salah there, reminding Liverpool that they need to hurry up with a bank-busting contract offer or he may take his suitcase of goals and assists elsewhere.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
‘Caveat emptor’ – I think Pep Guardiola suffered a severe case of buyer’s remorse on Saturday. His [Mr 20%] should have warned him before he signed the contract extension” – JJ Zucal.
Clive Allen once quoted former Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp as saying ‘when we go, we really go’. After their drubbing on Saturday, will there be a final chapter where Manchester City start becoming Spursy” – Dedric Helgert.
Send letters to [email protected]. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … JJ Zucal, who lands their very own piece of Football Weekly merch. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Join Max Rushden, Barry Glendenning and the Football Weekly pod squad as they look back on an eventful weekend in the Premier League.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
There were red faces all round in the FA’s IT department as the broadcast of the Women’s FA Cup third-round draw froze when being streamed on InstaChat. Expectant clubs in the southern half of the draw were kept waiting half an hour to learn their next opponents. “We apologise for the technical difficulties during [the] broadcast,” squeaked an FA suit.
Vinícius Júnior has twanged his, erm, bicep femoris and will not be fit to line up for Real Madrid against Liverpool in Bigger Cup.
Diogo Dalot has loved working with Ruben Amorim because, unlike the last guy, the new manager’s messages are clear. “He made an impact straight away,” cheered Dalot. “It suits the standards of the club – high-intensity football and working hard for the team.”
Unit-shifting Ipswich-supporting king of bland, Ed Sheeran, has said sorry to Amorim after gatecrashing his post-match interview with Sky Sports. “Apologies if I offended Amorim … didn’t actually realise he was being interviewed at the time, was popping to say hi and bye to Jamie [Redknapp],” tooted Ed. “Obvz feel a bit of a b€llend but life goes on.”
Rangers have appointed former Star Trek Manchester United chief suit Patrick Stewart as their new CEO.
Unlike Mo Salah, Kevin De Bruyne is un-fussed about his next contract. “I put it all to the side,” sighed the Manchester City playmaker, whose contract expires in June. “I’m not too worried. I’m fine. I’m happy, I just want to play good football again.” As does his team.
And USA USA USA boss Emma Hayes held her press conference to preview the match against England at Wembley in a Camden boozer many will know for its sticky floor and blaring indie sounds. “I don’t have to sacrifice the things that made me healthy,” she said, while pulling some pints. “I actually felt unwell at the end of my time at Chelsea. It wasn’t pressure, it was the stress and toll it took on me.”
RECOMMENDED VIEWING
Why you shouldn’t play passes across your own six-yard box when Storm Bert is blowing.
RECOMMENDED SHOPPING
You can now get your very own copy of the latest David Squires cartoon. And Big Website’s football bookshop has the latest release from David himself, along with those from Miguel Delaney, Nick Miller and Jeff Stelling.
THE FOXTROT
Steve Cooper, Messiah in Nottingham but apparently a clueless buffoon in Leicester. That’s about the size of it though those two cities’ proximity probably have plenty to do with those opposing popularity ratings. Cooper departed Leicester on Sunday “with our thanks for their contribution during their time with the club and with our best wishes for the future”. That Cooper leaves Leicester 16th, and not in the relegation zone raises eyebrows but there had been severe acceptance problems – within the squad and in the stands – through the five short months since he replaced Enzo Maresca. Now, who to replace him? Ruud van Nistelrooy is an outside tip on Big Website. Graham Potter, the Alan Curbishley de nos jours, was supposed to take the job in the summer only for the deal to hit a snag. Should the Foxes hold fire, then Pep could be available.
STILL WANT MORE?
Ten talking points from the weekend’s Premier League action: the usual drill.
Juventus and Aston Villa meet in Bigger Cup, so Rob Smyth reaches for his scrapbook and recalls Tony Morley taking on Giovanni Trapattoni, Claudio Gentile et al in 1983.
David de Gea: still got it, writes Nicky Bandini.
Brest are having a fairytale run of results in Bigger Cup but in Ligue 1 they’re floundering, writes Eric Devin.
Andy Brassell describes Hoffenheim being the latest to take down Leipzig in a 4-3 Klaus Dinger of a game in his latest Bundesliga column.
This is Manchester United we’re talking about here and after his first game, Barney Ronay suggests Ruben Amorim may already appreciate the measure of the years
ahead.
Bluesky thinking: John Brewin watched the Premier League weekend through the eyes of the new friendly forum of fun and the hellscape Musk social media disgrace mothership many are deserting so that you didn’t have to.
MEMORY LANE
7 May 2006: Rio Ferdinand pauses mid-match to gobble three Jaffa cakes down during Manchester United’s game at Old Trafford against Charlton. They clearly did the trick as his side kept a clean sheet in a 4-0 win.
