In March, she spoke out about the horrific and life-altering experience in a bid to raise awareness and funds for the work that Féileacáin (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Support) do and to thank the staff at Wexford General Hospital for their kindness in her darkest hour.
Saoirse’s story struck a chord. Her frankness and bravery in speaking about her experience resonated with others all over the country who had experienced similar losses. In addition, it attracted nearly €13,000 in donations which will be split between Féileacáin and Wexford General Hospital’s maternity bereavement services.
“People have said to to me, ‘I don’t know how you were able to do that’,” Saoirse reflects, upon handing over the donations. “For us it was exactly what we needed. It was something positive to focus on rather than the horror of the situation.
“I would’ve been absolutely lost without both services. I was just saying this week, it’s a unique type of grief. You’re not only mourning the loss of a child, but it’s a part of your identity too.
“You spend the best part of a year preparing your body and your mind to become a parent again. Your body and mind is set up to care for a baby that’s not there at the end of it.”
Saoirse Aylward
By telling her story, Saoirse also inspired others to open up about similar traumas. Some which had been untold for years. In speaking with others who had experienced the devastating loss of a child, the Wexford woman found some small comfort.
“My story got people talking about losing a child that never spoke about it before, because it was a different time or whatever,” she says. “It’s the type of loss that only someone who has been through it can understand.
“A few people got in touch with me who had been on a similar journey and had built some kind of life afterwards. I suppose that gives you confidence to keep going.”
In terms of the services Féileacáin provide, they were able to give Saoirse and her family precious time with baby Jax by providing a “cuddle cot” or cold cot, and they also provided a memory box for gathering items – tags, footprints, handprints – which would prove precious down the line.
“When I regained consciousness, I didn’t know what I wanted or needed,” Saoirse recalls. “That’s where Féileacáin were amazing. They gave us a template of things we might want to gather for a memory box and they’re things that become precious memories to you down the line.
“Unless you’ve been in the situation, you don’t hear about these things. But they do amazing work.
Saoirse Aylward presented a cheque for €6,387 to Bereavement Midwife Irene Brennan of the Wexford General Hospital Bereavement Sevices on Tuesday morning. Also pictured with the hospital staff is Saoirse’s grandmother Margaret O’Brien. Pic: Jim Campbell
Similarly, Saoirse is fulsome in her praise of the staff at Wexford General Hospital, who did everything they could to guide her through a devastating situation. Among those providing vital support and compassion was Bereavement Midwife Irene Brennan.
“The staff in Wexford General Hospital were just amazing,” Saoirse said. “Irene was like an angel for us. We were just so lost. We didn’t know what to do, but every day she was there to guide us through it. As she said, expectant parents arrive into the hospital with hopes and dreams and maybe thinking of planning a christening. Nobody ever expects to be planning a funeral.”
It was fitting that the cheques were handed over to Féileacáin and Wexford General Hospital on baby loss awareness week. It’s also fitting that, as a result of Saoirse’s bravery in telling her story, Wexford General Hospital are working on some kind of permanent memorial for baby Jax.
“I suppose it’s every parent’s worst nightmare in that situation that your baby will be forgotten somehow,” Saoirse says candidly. “What we have now with Jax, as a result of the donations we received, is something positive to focus on rather than a horror story.
“It’s been a long and hard road to recovery, physically and mentally, but being able to focus on paying something back to the services that helped us so much has meant a lot.”
For more details on Féileacáin and the work that they do, visit feileacain.ie.
Helplines: If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this article, click here for more information.
