Melissa Santos:
“I am a solo mother, one who raises children alone, and I am part of the statistics of more than 11 million women who live in the same situation, according to data from a survey carried out by the Brazilian Institute of Economics of the Getúlio Vargas Foundation, published in last year. My routine is to dedicate myself almost 100% to my children. I think about myself, I seek self-care, but I confess that, even when I do this, deep down, I think about them.
Every mother has a busy routine. For the single mother, the race is always a marathon. We didn’t just have to have 24 hours for our obligations in the day, but at least 48 hours! I often say that a single mother doesn’t rest, she postpones problems. When we take that afternoon sleep in moments of extreme tiredness on a weekend, for example, we have no one to do that basic day-to-day task. We sleep, rest and wake up with the dishes in the sink, the clothes in the basket to be washed, homework to do with the child… no matter how much the children help with the housework and schoolwork, we will always be overwhelmed!
If motherhood is already a challenge, it’s even worse for a single mother! Making literally all the decisions without having anyone to talk to, to think with… perhaps this is the most difficult point. I wasn’t always a solo mother. I became a single mother after I was widowed 3 years ago. My children, at the time, were 3 and 11 years old. Until then, I had a wonderful partner, with whom I decided everything together for the well-being of the children. Rodrigo was an exemplary father, who picked up his children from school, did housework with the eldest, cooked for them… But God thought it would be better for him to shine “up there in heaven” and for me to stay here, with the little ones.
Despite the difficulties, I can consider myself a lucky woman! Many single mothers did not have this opportunity, this experience of having a partner with their children… Even today, in the year 2024, there are cowardly men who think it is right not to take on paternity and leave children solely in the care of their mother. Truly absurd!
Even with all this, the truth is that being a solo mother is not being alone. We have the greatest treasure in the world: our children! And they are my best company! Even as a single mother, I never stop dreaming and fighting. The schedule is busy! But I want to continue to grow professionally, study, have time for myself, live and teach all of this to my children. Be an example.
If every now and then I cry? Clear! Then yes, “alone”. The crying of tiredness, of stress… But I think of them, of my eternal children, and I recreate myself, I recreate myself, I pick up the pieces again, I fill myself with courage, and let’s go!
Where does the solo mother’s strength come from? Ah… from the same place that all mothers’ strength comes… Our strength comes from our children, from the desire to see them grow, from the desire to help them become good people, to achieve everything the best they want in life.
For all mothers, I wish you days of complete happiness, with yourself and your children. And for those who, like me, are on this mission alone, I wish you a multiplication of strength and courage. And may we create, among ourselves, a chain of support and encouragement.
