Last Saturday at exactly 3:00 p.m., the lights went out. “I guess they weren’t kidding,” I commented to my husband. Tree branches gracefully danced outside our window; the wind’s fury granting them no rest. And predictions were that she would become rageful as dusk turned to darkness. The combination of the preemptive Xcel shutdown to protect against a repeated fire disaster and the eclipse last week made the issue of light and dark front and center. Due to the shutdown, for a moment our lives stood still, and for many, it was longer than a mere moment.
Xcel’s decision has resulted in some serious consequences, causing hardship for many and conflicting viewpoints outlined in the press. The economic loss for businesses, restaurants and individuals due to spoiled food and lost income reportedly was staggering. Schools and shelters had to close and other essential services suffered. For those with medical issues dependent on electricity, there was overriding worry and concern. Blinking traffic signals resulted in disruption and accidents on roadways.
As a therapist, I tend to look at things through an emotional lens, and along with the effect on us in concrete ways, our emotional response is worthy of focus. For many, it was an echo of the isolation experienced during the height of the pandemic. But this time there were periods when our homes were also cold and dark. When texting we were repeatedly notified with “failure to send” messages, the internet shut down, and TV reception was nonexistent. Those who lived alone were even more challenged by the isolation.
In a sense, it could be described as a traumatic few days. Many people functioned with heightened anxiety, their sympathetic nervous system at full throttle. Some individuals were gripped with fear around their safety, others by confusion and uncertainty or mere inconvenience. I only realized how tense I had been once power was restored and I exhaled. “Xcel” had finally allowed us to “exhale” as the weekend’s darkness gave way to light. Some may have suffered re-traumatization which is when a present trauma triggers earlier memories, and in this case, previous fires and floods became flashes in darkness. Although Xcel attempted to circumvent a repeated fire disaster, other less severe emotional and financial losses ensued.
The challenge seemed to be how to be present, manage, cope and keep things in perspective. We were not in a war zone at the epicenter of a war-torn world. This was time-limited and thankfully no deaths were reported. I vacillated between trying to be at peace and Zen about the whole thing and rising impatience — wanting a hot shower, wanting to finish the movie we started, wanting to bake cookies and disliking cold soup. Saturday evening we did actually drive to a nearby supermarket parking lot to find internet access and watch the end of our 1995 thriller — an old-fashioned drive-in of sorts. When we returned home from our parking lot date it was early evening and we decided to retire early, try to read with flashlights and just pretend we were camping. Which I confess we don’t do even though we’ve lived in Colorado for 45 years. But I guess this was our unplanned version, no tent required, but not exactly serenaded by stars in the night sky.
I decided to make a list of those things one can do without electricity. It seemed like a worthwhile endeavor since good light was fleeting from a “not” state-of-the-art flashlight. It took a little time to find paper and pen given use of my fading phone and computer seemed unwise. My list initially included such things as teeth brushing with a regular toothbrush, flossing, thinking, talking and eating things that should be cold a little warmer, and things that should be eaten hot at room temperature. Then somehow my focus changed to hopefully more important things. I started to realize it doesn’t take electricity to sit still, to mindfully listen to our thoughts and feelings and just breathe, to listen to those close to us, to be kind to others, to make love, to laugh, to cry, to create, to meditate, to sing, to dance, to love. It doesn’t take electricity to find the light within.
And just perhaps the loss of light for a few days could remind us power takes many forms and our power has no on-and-off switch. But it does have a dimmer which often is at play when the world’s light overshadows that truth. What poignant timing of the eclipse to see the moon’s shadow blocking the sun’s light. Far too often we live in an eclipsed world, where the light of our true spirit is blocked by a dark shadow of global chaos and conflict. I can’t go as far as to thank Xcel for their weekend “gift,” but perhaps we can find some gratitude for a beautiful reminder of our true nature providing a flash of light in a weekend’s darkness.
Priscilla Dann-Courtney may be reached through her website: priscilladanncourtney.com.
